It's okay to be alone
I can't say I'm the best at this. Growing up with 2 sisters, sharing a bedroom, being homschooled, taking dance classes, I was never really alone. That carried over into college, and into our first year of marriage. Then medical school started and it all changed. That was a tough transition. I also graduated college that spring so I had to adjust to a new job, all my friends leaving but me staying in the area, and of course, Scott being gone. When I got off from work I sat on the couch by myself, stuffing my face with oreos, watching every crime TV show I could find. Yeah, that was a tough year.
Somewhere along the way though, I picked myself up and started being industrious around the house. (I'm sure this had to do with my mother's gentle nudging). I cooked, I crafted, I sewed, I read. I came to realize that being alone wasn't that bad. I had always relied on another person to fill my time and it was rather freeing not having to rely on someone else. I still have bouts from time to time of self pity and comparing my life to others, but I'm so thankful I had the opportunity to cultivate myself on my own.
How to say crazy medical terminology
Hepatosplenomegaly. Nuff said.
It's the little things
There were so many moments I used to take for granted but I savor now. I love to sit on the couch with Scott and just watch TV (dare I say, football!), to take a walk in our neighborhood, hold hands at dinner, the list could go on and on. Our time was/is so limited that we choose to savor the little things instead of dwelling on the "big things" we can't do right now, like actually spending the entire evening together or taking weekend trips.
Flexibility
Scott's schedule can change at the drop of a hat. He can get off early from the clinic one day and then be hours late the next. It makes planning difficult. If you know me, you'll know I don't deal with my plans changing well. I get all moody and pouty. Being in a medical marriage has taught me to check my attitude... most of the time. I've learned that my attitude isn't going to change the outcome except make myself miserable.
Sacrificial Love
Marriage is supposed to be a life long lesson on sacrificial love but sometimes I believe we took an accelerated course the past few years. I've put things on hold, at times I've taken the back seat to school, I've worked jobs I've hated to pay the bills, and more. It was/is hard. These years are about us but with a concentration on Scott. It bothers him and he wishes things were different. I have days where I get wrapped up in ME, totally selfish and self serving. Forgetting what Scott is doing is for us and our future. He is sacrificing BIG TIME to go to school for us. I try to bring those things to the forefront of my mind but what really helps is when I think of Jesus. When I compare my measly sacrifices to His and it flips my perspective upside down. I realize I am blessed to have the opportunity daily to emulate Jesus' sacrificial love in my marriage.
Support is Crucial
Neither one of us could have gotten this far without the support of family and friends. Y'all are amazing! We are incredibly blessed to have family close by but I also got involved early on with a ministry for medical wives. It has blessed me beyond measure. If you take anything out of this post, please take the steps to become involved in a supportive community!
We are a team, it's not just his success it's ours
This summer, while making small talk to a friend of a friend, they asked Scott what he did and he said "I'm in medical school" (He most likely didn't come right out and say it. He is very humble and unassuming.) They asked how much longer he had left, and I chimed in with " We only have two years left, thank goodness!" The person had a surprised look on their face and said "Oh, your in medical school too?". I laughed and cleared that up really quick. I realized a little while later that my answer was pretty indicative of our mentality though. It's not just Scott, it's us. This journey is ours, even though I'm not in the classroom or clinic with him. We see this as a team effort and we couldn't do it without each other.
I don't think any of these things are learned just through being in a medical marriage. Everyone will have challenges that can teach them the same thing. This is just my reflections of the last few years. I hope it's encouraging for someone, medical marriage or not.
